10 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR GIRL FEEL SPECIAL

September 9, 2013 · by James Michael Sama · in Dating & Relationships. ·

1. Make her feel beautiful, every day.

This one seems obvious. Internet Romeos everywhere are reading this going “Hey man, I call girls beautiful every day!” I don’t mean just telling a woman she’s beautiful – any guy can do that. I mean make her deeply feel, in her heart, that you think she is the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful woman you’ve ever laid your eyes on.

Women are not often as confident as they come across. You need to reinforce her, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if she just got stung by a bee and her entire face is swollen like a basketball, she is still beautiful, and you damn well better act like it.

It’s not just in what you say – it’s in what you don’t say. It’s in how you look at her, how you talk to her, and how you touch her. Make her feel what you don’t need to say, instead of just hearing what you do say.

2. Be honest.

This is another big one. It may not seem like it, because honesty should be a quality that you express towards everyone in your daily life – but being honest with a woman you care about will show her that you respect her enough to be straight up with her.

Choose your words carefully, don’t express your honesty in a way that would hurt her feelings, but make sure she knows that she’ll get a straight answer when she comes to you for one, no matter what it’s about.

3. Kiss her. And not just on the lips.

Now’s the time to get your mind out of the gutter – When was the last time you gave your girl a kiss on the forehead? On the nose? On her hand?

Sometimes these actions speak even louder volumes than a kiss on the lips. They show her you want to be close to her, and you care about her. Plus, they’re more appropriate in public, so you can show her affection and not be arrested by the PDA police.

4. Don’t compare her to other women.

There’s really no reason to do this in the first place – but a woman shouldn’t be made to feel that she’s the ‘best’ out of ‘all the other girls’ because it implies that there are, or have been, other girls. We’re all adults, we realize everyone has a past, but there’s no point in bringing it up.

Instead of making your girl feel like the ‘best’ girl – make her feel like the only girl, because she is.

5. Don’t miss the little things.

Chivalry is a common theme in my blog posts – but that’s because it’s a big one. Often times the small things you do for a woman are the ones that count the most, because it shows you’re willing to put in effort for her just because you want to, and not due to a special occasion or event.

Don’t let the little things fade. The opening of doors and pulling out of chairs, holding her hand no matter how long you’ve been together, hugging her from behind for no reason – all speak louder than words you can say.

6. Listen.

In a healthy relationship, each partner relies on the other for love, guidance, and advice. Sometimes, just taking the time to genuinely listen to what she has to say, and not saying anything at all – will say more to her than your words ever could.

If a woman is complaining to you, remember that it means she trusts you enough to express her feelings to you. Don’t betray that trust.

7. Start, and end your day with her.

Even if you can’t see each other every day, by sending her a simple text when you wake up, and before you go to bed, she will know she’s the first and last person you think of every day. That is priceless.

8. Give her massages.

I never thought I’d have to put this one in here, I give my girlfriend some type of massage literally every time I’ve seen her in the past 10 months of being together. Yet, when girls talk about getting a massage from their boyfriend it’s like it’s some special occasion saved for birthdays and holidays.

It’s not that hard, guys. She’ll appreciate it, and return the favor…

9. Respect her wishes.

You may not always agree with everything your girlfriend says or does. But, mutual respect is the backbone of any healthy relationship. Speaking of backbone – respecting her wishes doesn’t mean sacrificing yours, but it does mean being willing to bend it a little bit for her. You don’t always need to get your way. Plus, you might learn something from her.

10. Remember the little details.

Whether it’s the date you met, the song that always makes her cry, that craving for french fries she gets once every 6 months, or that perfume she loves – paying attention to small details and doing something about it to surprise her, will show your woman that when she talks, you hear her.

It shows her that no matter how busy your life is, despite the pressure you get at work, or the millions of other things you need to worry about – she holds a special place in your heart, and your mind. A place uncluttered by the other noise in your day, or the hectic life you probably both live.

A place reserved just for her – and that, gentlemen, is special.

7 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MAN FEEL APPRECIATED

November 5, 2013 · by James Michael Sama · in Dating & Relationships. ·

If he is a true gentleman, he will do all of these things, and more, without expectation of anything in return. Your happiness is his reward. That being said, though – a basic human need for all people is to feel wanted and appreciated, especially in relationships, and especially when they perform selfless acts for others.

If you do have a good man, it’s important to let him know that what he does for you, matters. Even if it’s just in small ways. Here are some suggestions, in no particular order.

1. Pick up the tab.

Anyone who reads my articles knows that I believe a man should always pay for dates. Not just the first date, but all dates. It’s just the way I was raised and it’s what I practice in my daily life. However, if your guy is always treating you to nice dinners, or if you’re on vacation, and you slip your card to the waiter without him noticing, he won’t hate it.

It will show him that you appreciate the things he does for you and that you’re willing to take care of him every once in awhile, too.

2. Dinner at home, after a long day.

A few months ago, I was interviewed on a podcast in the UK about chivalry in modern relationships. One of the things I was asked was, “How can women be chivalrous too?” An example I gave was that it’s easy and inexpensive to have dinner and some wine waiting for your man when he gets home after a long day.

It will completely free him of any stress from the day – and you don’t even have to be a good cook. Just pick up the phone for take out.

3. Do your nails.

This one might seem a little weird, but hear me out. Often times in relationships, you get comfortable. A lot of time is spent on the couch in sweats, and sometimes those are the best nights. But, it’s important to not let yourself go. Make sure he knows you still want to look good for him by paying attention to the little details. (He should do the same, of course).

4. In the bedroom.

I have always believed (and practiced) that a woman’s needs come first in the bedroom (no pun intended) absolutely every time, no exception. Just make sure that your man doesn’t get forgotten or deprived in the process. It’s a team sport.

5. Show him he’s a priority.

We all have busy lives. Friends, family, work…things can get crazy. It’s unrealistic to put a significant other before all of these things all the time – but make sure you include him where you can, and don’t let him feel boxed out, shuffled to the bottom of the deck, or unwanted if you get too busy.

6. Be affectionate.

As simple as this one is, it is often overlooked. Small things like hand-holding, walking arm in arm with him, or resting your head on his shoulder (or chest if you’re laying down) make him feel like he’s one with you, and protecting you from harm – something all good men should want to do.

7. Tell him.

If you appreciate what he does for you, tell him.

Relationships, and romance, are a two way street. A good man will give all he can to you and never ask for anything in return. However, that doesn’t mean that a woman shouldn’t take small steps to show him that what he does makes an impact on her life, and she cherishes having him in it.

A little bit goes a long way.

10 WAYS TO KNOW YOU’RE DATING A TRUE GENTLEMAN

November 6, 2013 · by James Michael Sama · in Dating & Relationships. ·

A man may be able to put across a great image, but it could simply be a cover for hidden shortcomings, or he could just be totally faking it to ‘get the girl.’

Here are some ways to know if you’ve struck gold:

A true gentleman values more than just your looks.

Is every compliment from him about a different body part? It doesn’t matter how creative he can be, if a guy’s sole focus is on how you look, or ‘talking dirty,’ see it as a red flag. A real man will value your personality, your kindness, your intelligence, and who you are as a person, in general. The things he makes you feel good about will be things that you control, not just results of getting lucky in the gene pool.

A true gentleman will never be intimidated by your motivation.

A man who has goals for himself, will want to be with a woman who has goals for her own life, too. He will never feel intimidated or threatened by a woman who goes after what she wants. He will want to be part of a power couple, rather than a dictatorship. Be mindful of anyone who tries to keep you from pursuing your dreams.

A true gentleman will have more interests than just you.

I don’t mean this in a negative way. You should, of course, be a priority in his life – but he needs to have a life as well. Interests, friends, hobbies, aspirations. If a man works his entire life around you, it’s another red flag – relationships should be a great part of your life, but not encompass your whole life.

A true gentleman will give you answers.

No matter how awkward or uncomfortable a situation is, a real man will approach it, and you, with respect. I have always felt that a mark of a man is how he handles conflict, criticism, and less-than-ideal situations. A man will not dance around answers or make excuses. If there is something you two need to talk about, he will talk about it.

A true gentleman is direct.

In addition to the last point – there will be no mind games or manipulation in your relationship. A man will be direct, to the point, and honest with you…but with kindness.

A true gentleman will trust you.

As long as you haven’t betrayed his trust, a man will NOT be paranoid, or snoop around invading your privacy to make sure you’re not doing anything bad. He will have confidence in your relationship. A boy will project his own insecurities onto you, and like termites in a house, will eat away at the foundation of what you’ve built.

A true gentleman is cool, calm, and collected.

It should be understood that part of what comes with the territory of having a girlfriend, is dealing with her getting hit on. If you’re at the bar together, or if she’s out with her friends, it goes without saying that your girlfriend will get hit on every once in awhile.

Instead of letting his primate instincts prevail and beating his chest like an angry gorilla to scare off competition, a confident man will calmly make his position known, and understand that you’re still going home with him at the end of the night.

A true gentleman will show you respect.

Nothing signifies an empty shell of a man more than someone who disrespects women, animals, or children. A real man will treat you with the respect that you deserve, never force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, and never mistreat you. Be honest enough with yourself to walk away from any situation that is dangerous to you, physically or emotionally.

A true gentleman will put effort into your relationship.

Boys are generally apathetic and just look for one thing from a woman. A man, will do what it takes to make you happy, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Your happiness, is his reward.

A true gentleman will make you want to be the best version of yourself, without changing who you really are.

A man will empower those around him. He will strive for greatness and therefore inspire others to strive for it as well. This not only includes friends and co-workers, but also significant others.

As Mark Twain said - Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

If you do have one of these men in your life, make sure he knows he is appreciated.

10 WAYS TO KNOW YOUR WOMAN IS A KEEPER

November 13, 2013 · by James Michael Sama · in Dating & Relationships. ·

We’ve all heard “oh, there are plenty of fish in the sea” when it comes to dating. But, when was the last time you walked into someone’s house to find hundreds of tiny minnows proudly hung along their mantle?

No. You want the catch. You want the one you couldn’t possibly let go. The one you’d do anything to reel in.

So, how do you know you’ve found a keeper? Here are 10 signs to look out for.

She doesn’t look for attention.

The women who don’t look for attention, are precisely the women we should be giving our attention to. Girls who are always looking for compliments or to be noticed, are often insecure and looking to overcompensate. What’s more – is that they’re likely more concerned about their own happiness, than they would be about yours.

Women who are content with their own self confidence and don’t look elsewhere for validation, shine from within and will add to your life. The last thing you need is to be a placeholder for a girl who is just seeking something anyone else can give her. This doesn’t provide any sort of foundation for a solid relationship.

She can hold a conversation.

Believe me - I know how important physical attraction is to a relationship. But, believe me when I say that I also know that it’s not the most important thing, when you’re talking long term.

A woman who truly keeps your attention, makes you excited to see her, or just talk to her – every day – is one worth holding onto. An intelligent, well-spoken, witty, funny woman with killer looks, granted is hard to come by – but, who are you to settle for less than you deserve? Nobody, that’s who.

She is comfortable in any situation.

Let’s face it, when you’re dating somebody, you’re not alone with them all the time. It’s important to be able to live a full life with them by your side. This means family events, outings with friends, double dates, movie nights on the couch…Not to mention, the activities brought forth by similar interests – which you both should have!

I’ve always used the rule of thumb that if you truly like a girl and feel comfortable bringing her to any social event and leaving her alone if you need to go talk to someone or grab a drink – then she gets major bonus points.

She doesn’t start petty arguments.

In a healthy relationship, two people should be able to work out their differences via mature conversation and discussion. This does not mean bringing up nonsensical past issues or dwelling on small events that they’ve been emotionally harboring, waiting for the right time to unleash.

A mature woman won’t throw the past in your face or use it as ammunition against you, especially if she has already forgiven you for your mistakes.

She encourages you.

Even the best accomplishments in life seem to lose their luster when there is nobody to share them with. Your significant other should be one of, if not THE first, people you want to tell exciting news to.

Does your girl get excited about things in your life, even if she doesn’t have personal interest in them? Does she stand behind you, and encourage you to chase your goals and dreams? If so, you have found a teammate worth holding onto.

She’s your sunshine on a gloomy day (and every day).

Do you wake up every morning excited to talk to her? Or to kiss her on the forehead if you’re there together? Does seeing her name pop up on your phone during a rough day make you forget about all of your worries? Does being with her take you into your own world where nothing else matters?

If you said yes to any of the above, hold onto her, man.

She puts in effort for you.

I am all about giving in relationships. Personally, I love to give and do things for my girlfriend. Seeing her happy makes me happy – and I believe if two people both feel that way in a relationship, it will be a success.

Her putting in effort doesn’t have to be much. It can be something as simple as keeping her hair or nails done to look good for you. It’s no secret that sometimes the romance wears off of longer term relationships, but you shouldn’t let it – and neither should she.

If a woman continues to do what she knows attracted you in the first place, even after she got you a long time ago, it shows she cares about keeping you around.

You can laugh together.

Seriously, how big is this one? Simple, but so important. Life can get you down. Work, bills, obligations – your relationship shouldn’t be something on that list. Your girlfriend should also be your best friend who you can do anything with, and have fun doing it.

If they drag you down, it’s time for a change.

You can cry together.

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Times get tough, things get hard, and we all need a support system.

Is she there for you when you need her? Are you there for her? If your support is not reciprocated by her, then you need to find someone who understands the importance of your feelings, too.

You have similar views for the future.

I know man, the future is way off. It’s a scary place, but it’s still there. If you’re in a solid, committed relationship, it’s important to understand where both of you see yourselves, and the relationship – going.

Does she want a ring within a year? A baby? Dude…are you ready for that? If you’re not – what makes you think that she will forget all about it and that your relationship will coast through time without it being an issue?

Compromise is key. The future of your life cannot be dictated by someone else, but it can be affected by them – and working together to find what makes you both happy in the long run, is key.

Your emotional health matters

A note inspired by 23^rd FMB Seminar held last August 26, 2013 at Philippines Evangelical Church- Pasig.

 “How is your emotional health?”

“Uhmmm..Fine. Doing well.” How about yours?”

Every one has their own stories. Every one exists for a reason and was created for a reason. Every one we meet will come out with their own baggage. Those could be packs of anger, anxiety, fear, resentment, rejection and other forms of negativity. Come to think of it, there are always the root causes of all of those. And that is our PAST experiences. As Rick Warren says on his book The Purpose Driven Life, “We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.”

EXACTLY! There is no need to go through life handicapped by past experiences. To make this piece a little bit different than the usual, let me put in bullets my ideas on how to be victorious against all of your negative and damaged emotions.

Here we go…Let’s do the F.A.A.D! J

1.      Find your identity in Him.

Choose to accept and believe the Lord. Say this over and over to yourself. “I am a God-pleaser and not a man pleaser.” Your identity is no longer inclined with this world. When the world bragged about your past, lead them to the cross. Your past was crucified together with the rugged cross and you are no longer the old you. The old has gone, the new has come. You are no longer a prisoner; you’ve been set free by His blood.

2.      Ask for forgiveness.

Begin to kneel down and pray. Talk to God and ask for His forgiveness for allowing those hurtful emotions to hinder you. The next step is to deal with your offenses toward others and ask for their forgiveness. True healing demands that you address both sides: forgive yourself and forgive others. If we choose not to forgive, it will continue to hold us in bondage. There will be no room for peace and growth as long as you keep on resisting the feeling of forgiveness. Jesus Christ set us free. He forgave us of all our sins and gives us the grace and strength to lay down our hurts and trust Him to handle our situations.

3.      Always wear the shoes of others.

Be sensitive enough to feel what others feel. Dalai Lama says: “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” Always remember we are not the same. Because of this, we cannot avoid conflict not to arise. But if we will learn to be very careful the way we think, act and speak, conflict will be minimal. We cannot act preeminence against others knowing we got a higher degree than them or we have higher position or we are richer or prettier than them. We may excel in one way but definitely others have talents or skills that are better than us. We are created by God fairly and uniquely. And we are all not perfect! Never ever damn act as if you are.

4.      Don’t be bitter, instead be better.

Go back to my first point. Find again to where your identity belongs. Accept the fact that GOD is the only One who can change you. Never go to today’s war using your yesterday’s weapons. Past cannot be changed but you can still change the future. Be open for the changes and the renewal of yourself. Submit your ways and thoughts to Him. Let Him take control every bit that you have, from smallest to biggest element of your personality. Let go of yesterday’s troubles. Give every situation to God and when you do, do not worry about it. He’ll take care of it. Your childhood bad memories, the quarrelling of your parents, the broken promises and relationships, the darkest nightmare you’ve been through and other negative emotions can no longer be changed. But off course, time will come that you’ll be reminded, flashed back on your mind and haunted by those experiences you wished you never had. But don’t be bitter about your past. Lean unto God’s unending love, mercy and grace to make your present and future better.

Be healthy! Guard your heart with all vigilance, for from it are the sources of life. (Proverbs 4:23). Don’t be paralyzed by your emotions. Choose to guard your feelings and actions. Choose to be healthy outside but most specially inside of your inmost being. Remember, your emotional health matters.

~Achuchu! That’s all folks! Thank you for taking time to read. Lengthy and wordy?! Blame my tangled thoughts. God bless every one.

Xoxo.

ycelah_1813

9/9/13

Everything will come to an end.

I've never been so stressed and frustrated as I am now than before. Quitting was never been my option but all of sudden it is now on my first list of to do now.

Enough is enough. I had so much! I've gone so far and looking on my own perspective I have to end this so soon.

Embattled thoughts, frail emotions, double minded and resented decisions. I want to go back to where I was before. I want the ground be opened and eat me down its 6 feet distance.

I am so tired. I want to freak out, break the rules and get lost!

I’m so exasperated. I can’t feel the joy anymore. I've been to this feeling for many times. And as of this moment, I’m still standing on the same ground. Where my road may lead me, I know God is already there. He is always in control.

Buntong hininga! :/

Hayyy..ako’y napabuntong hininga

Medyo parang may amoy pa nga

Napapaisip, napapanganga

Hihikab na hindi ang aking panga

Para kase ang labo ng lahat sa akin

Hindi ko makuha pero aking uunawain

Noo ko tuloy biglang napapakunot

Ayan na, pati nguso’y sumisimangot

Teka lang ha, ako’y bubwelo

At talagang parang hilong hilo

Sa kalahati’y sadyang kay gulo

Maano’t pa lalo na ang buo

Napapahikbi na napapangiti

Sarili’y di ko na naman mawari

Kay gulo ng mga pangyayari

Parang kaysarap mawala ng sandali

Pwede kaya na lumipad ako

Sa kaulapan ay maglalaho

Papaimbabaw sa ulap at maglalaro

Kakalimutan ako nga pala'y isang tao

Siguro, pwede naman ang ganun

Sige na libre naman sumang-ayon

Pero ang totoo naman talaga nyan

Ako’y napapabuntong hininga lang naman